What's in Our Church Bag
In the Orthodox Church, our children are with us during each service. This can be a challenge at times, no doubt! But despite the obvious challenges, it is important to recognize the significance of this practice. It is not something we do without being thoughtful or because we don’t think kids will be better entertained elsewhere. In the words of our Lord, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:14. From birth, our children are included into the life of the Church. Through baptism and Chrismation, even in infancy, they become full members of the body of Christ. Their participation in the Liturgy is essential for our corporate worship.
As a mother with small children, I know first hand how difficult it can be to have small children during services. I also have found some of the greatest joys of my life standing in worship with my precious family, hearing my children singing the hymns, and joyfully participating in the services. I’ve found a few things along the way that have helped us during services, so I wanted to pass these ideas along in case you may find them helpful.
Resources and Books for Engaging in the Services with Kids:
I find that having a few resources on hand during the service for busy hands helps my children stay engaged in the services. We keep a small tote bag in our car that only comes out during Church services, and I replenish my supplies from time to time. Studies show that working with your hands can actually help people remember more of what they hear. This is especially true for children. Finding age appropriate and QUIET activities is key!
We don’t keep all of these items in our bag at once. Having too many things can also be overwhelming and overstimulating. I find that having just a few things helps keep busy hands occupied and allows them the opportunity to worship with us, in a quiet and reverent manner that is age appropriate.
Some suggestions that have worked well for us:
Orthodox Coloring Books - I typically choose materials that are Orthodox since I want that to be what their mind is focused on. We love the coloring books from Ancient Faith and Potamitis Press.
Blank Drawing Pads - My girls (4 & 7) use these blank coloring pads more than anything else. You can find them super cheap at places like Walmart or Target or even on Amazon.
LCD Writing Tablet - My kids love these and you can find them pretty inexpensive. These ones come in a pack of 2 for less than $10
Crayons and Markers in a soft case - Personally I only have twist up crayons (since my son is still too little to handle markers) and some ball point pens/pencils. Use your discretion. I can’t tell you how frustrasting it can be to have crayon paper peeled all over the place after liturgy so we stick with the twist up style since they don’t break as easily and they don’t peel! Just make sure you have them in a pouch, quiet bag or something to contain them so they aren’t floating all over your bag!
Crochet Censers - to encourage pious play. We get ours from Cozy House Curious, the toddler version.
Small Wooden Crosses: We have this small blessing cross from Ancient Faith Store
Divine Liturgy Books - Our favorites are The Child’s Guide to Liturgy by Ancient Faith Publishing (for younger children 6 and under) and Christ Amongst Us by Newrome Press (you can see my review for that book HERE).
Other Orthodox Books (just one per child) that you know they will enjoy. You can find my booklist recommendations HERE.
Take a peek into our Church Bag Video originally posted to Instagram Reels:
Tips for Parents with Children and the Divine Liturgy
By His Grace, Paul, Bishop of Chicago and the Diocese of the Midwest (from the OCA website)
Here are some suggestions.
Sit up front when you come to Church
When you sit up front, it enables a child to see more clearly what is going on in the service. For young kids between two and five we have books in the pew to describe what is going on during worship.
Read that with your child as the service is going on and point out how what they see in the book is actually going on in church. For older children (eight to twelve) have Divine Liturgy books for youth that they can follow which do an excellent job of explaining the liturgy with words and images.
Feel free to move around in the Church
Instead of removing a child from church because they are noisy, walk around with them in the nave and show them the church. This is a very good thing you can do with children between six to eighteen months old. I have no problem with parents roaming in the space of worship and showing their children the icons on the iconostasis and on the walls of the church. Young children will drink this up and love it. This is not avoidance; this is encounter.
Let them see, let them touch the icon, kiss the icon yourself, and eventually your child will kiss it. Tell them these are holy people in our church who followed Jesus. Remind your young child who has been baptized that Jesus lives inside him or her.
Appropriate items to bring with you to Church
I am OK with parents bringing in a coloring book with biblical or liturgical themes in it. As a child is coloring it quiets his or her soul and it allows one to listen to what is happening on another level.
Whatever items you bring they should be relevant to worship and have a Christian theme to it. However the coloring or other diversion should not go on the entire service.
There are certain times that children need to stop and focus on the service. Have them pay attention to the Little Entrance, the Scripture readings, the Sermon, the Great Entrance, the reciting of the Creed, the consecration of the Bread and Wine, and the reciting of the Lord’s Prayer.
Encourage your child to sing along with the choir responses to the service. Be an example and sing along with the choir as well! Remind them when they should be making the sign of the Cross during the service.
As your children get older, have them get involved in being a greeter and passing out the bulletin, passing the collection tray, or to go up to the choir loft and to sing with the choir. As the boys get older they may desire to serve in the altar.
Finally as children do get older, the expectations for their attention to the service itself should be higher.
Is it OK for young children to have food?
Our understanding of preparation to receive Communion on Sunday is that we fast from midnight on (except for health reasons).
This rule applies to those who are developmentally capable of doing this. I see no reason why children seven and older cannot observe this rule.
For children under 18 months old, I have no problem with parents having a small zip lock bag of cheerios to feed them during the course of the service and for them to still come to communion. But as they do get older they do need to be weaned from this.
Is there a time when it is appropriate to remove a child from the service?
This should always be a last resort when all other attempts that I have suggested above don’t seem to be helping.
The noise and the disruption of the child need to be of such a magnitude that it is clearly rebellious in nature and mean spirited. Most parents will know when that point has come.
When a child needs to be removed they need to know they are being disciplined for their behavior in church. I don’t think they need to be spanked, but neither should their time in the narthex be a time for fun and amusement.
If you want to put him or her on time out on the stairs (if they are developmentally able use this as a learning experience) and explain to your child they must sit there until they can tell mom or dad they will be good in church, this seems to be a good thing to do.
You may need to tell them what being good means by describing how they need to behave. I would also encourage people in our church who don’t have to deal with kids to be tolerant and merciful in their attitude when children become disruptive at times.
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Have you noticed an influx of families in your Orthodox parishes? Our parish is fortunate to be bursting at the seams with young families. As a priest wife, and mother of 4 myself, it is my hope that these families feel especially welcomed. The Church is for all people, and especially for our children. Christ himself gave us the command, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:14. But how can we be welcoming and help accomodate families with small children?